21 & Being Told to Settle

It’s taken a lot for me to write about this.

At the beginning of the year I made one of the hardest decisions I have had to make so far in my life. I made the decision that I would split from my partner of nearly three years.

For the last 8 months, people have asked why. Why did you end it, you two were so happy? Something must have happened. Did someone cheat?

I have made the call that it is nobodies business. I don’t think I owe anyone an explanation, it was our relationship, and it is my life. Still to this day I won’t discuss with anyone what happened. My closest friends and immediate family know, and that’s it.

I have so much love and respect for my ex. And I truly want what’s best for him, and want him to be happy.

People that knew us knew that I was the tougher one. Bless him, but he couldn’t stand up to me to save his life. So naturally, people have assumed I did the wrong thing and I broke his heart. I’m sure when I made the call to end it, I did break his heart, but there were reasons for the split.

I’ve been told I will never do any better, I have had people question my sanity for breaking it off, and been told that I will regret this decision for the rest of my life.

This got me thinking. I’m only 21 years old for goodness sake. Why is there such pressure at our age to find a partner, and settle down? I enjoy being single. I have achieved so much this year, things I never would have done if I were still with my ex.

I feel I am not at the stage in my life where I am ready to settle down and have babies and create a life with someone. I applaud people that feel as though they are, especially at my age. But me personally I want to be able to financially support myself and “know who I am” as a person before I bring someone else into my life.

With this I have purchased my own home, my own little fur baby, and have dedicated myself to my final year of my studies. But this just doesn’t seem to be enough.

People genuinely don’t believe me when I say I am content being on my own. My mum is always nagging me to date, my sisters question me being lonely, and my friends are concerned with me being alone all the time.

Why at 21 am I being nagged to settle when I feel like I have achieved so much? How many 21 year olds can say they have a mortgage, and support themselves by working part time with no additional payments. Is this not enough in my life for now?

Is society shaped to believe that someone can’t be content unless they have a partner? Is it different for men? Are they nagged 24/7 about settling down, or is it just women? Am I just being cynical because I haven’t ‘healed’ from my relationship breakup? Should I be actively looking for a man?

Or is it actually okay that I want to be on my own?

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