I think it’s a known thing that Melbourne Cup can be an excuse for lots to dress up and drink silly on a Tuesday. I can confidently say I have never seen one horse race and I am perfectly fine with that. Melbourne Cup day this year was interesting for me to say the least. I had a number of life altering moments which I am now questioning as I lay on my couch.
Here’s how my day went:
1. Picked for Fashion on the Fields
Not sure if I was picked out of the crowd, or if I bullied the decider into letting me go on stage. Regardless, I strutted my stuff on that catwalk, and I think I have found my calling. Not sure if a career in modelling will last, considering I stacked it walking off the stage. Thank god I caught myself, otherwise the poor crowd would have gotten a god-awful view.
2. Told my best friend I needed to be with her son
One of my best friends is twice my age, and happens to have a son my age. We’ve known each other for years but nothing has ever happened. Until I got that blind I was sitting there holding his hand, telling his mum we needed to be together. I am too scared to message her to see if she remembers.
3. Fell in love with a cop
There is not much to say about this guy apart from he is consistent. He approached me three times, and kept telling me how beautiful I am. So of course I spent hours fawning over him. I, being slightly intoxicated, told him as I was leaving that I was falling in love with him. What the f***. How embarrassing.
4. Got invited to a wedding
Did I mention this cop was with his dad and his dad insisted I come to his wedding in a few weeks? So now I am being introduced to the family, at this wedding, with a cop I barely know. I mean, I really think I should say no, but it would make one hell of a story.
5. Had a tinder date come to meet me
Sober, this is a terrible idea. Drunk, great idea! Didn’t go so well… let’s leave it at that.
6. Went to the Casino alone
Looked around and realised all my friends had disappeared. What to do? Ah go to the Cas by yourself Abs. What could go wrong? Blew most of my money, managed to bruise and cut every part of my knees and elbows, and have a massive bump on my chin. Not sure what the f*** I was doing at the Cas, but it wasn’t good.
7. Fought with a man
I feel like this needs a bit of back-story. I have been semi seeing this guy but he works away. And he just so happened to be at the Cas too. Anyway, drunk Abs thought it’d be a great idea to ask why he isn’t making effort. Then he got mad saying he has been. Typical. Then we spent the rest of the night holding hands, kissing, and cuddling. Haha Abs your life is a joke.
8. Told said guy I am falling in love with him
After we went home and he put my drunk a** to bed, I told him I was falling in love with him. Lol, really throwing that L word around today. Thank god he doesn’t remember this part of the conversation.
9. Passed out in guys bed fully clothed
Don’t think you can get sexier than this… After drunkly crying over how much I like him and him telling me it’s time to go to bed, I pass out fully clothed.. I wake up in the night and the poor guy had taken my dress off for me, but there he was faced with my spanks. Great. He is definitely going to want to see those again.
So all in all I had a great day. I fell in love a few times, got some war wounds, and learnt don’t wear spanks, ever!
Someone please tell me they had a more embarrassing day than me, make me feel better!