Shedding shame by Real Heidi

I JUST got home from two weeks holiday, sorry but not sorry!

I travelled north to Exmouth with my partner Griffo. We hired a van and left without a plan.

All we knew was that we would drive as far as Exmouth so we could swim with whale sharks.

I had to share this breakthrough with you because, for as long as I can remember, every holiday I have ever been on, I haven’t ever truly lived in the moment. My anxiety kept me obsessed in my head to the point where I didn’t enjoy the holiday to its full potential.

But something happened this trip and I let all my shit go.

That piece of baggage was finally left behind and my God, it felt good!

I am finally out of my head and living my life, who knew it could feel so damn good?

For a long time, you’ve seen me write about my weight, body image, exercise, food obsession, anxiety, and so on. That is because I have believed for so long that this is what defines me and others.

Shallow, I know, but it’s hard to shake a belief that you created in your teen years. It will take time.

Since forever, I believed I’ll be good enough when I lost weight, when I’m a smaller size, and so many of my thoughts generally focus on this and that’s a shit place to be.

If you’ve been there, then you’ll understand.

So for the past few years, I’ve been placing a lot of energy into working through this “part of me” and trying to get it under control as, believe me, it’s hugely exhausting being this obsessed and constantly worried.

But, I have seen the light these holidays and holy moly, it feels bloody awesome.

This is the very first holiday that I haven’t felt guilt and shame around what I’ve eaten or drank, or the lack of exercise that I’ve done.

I took one day at a time and enjoyed every single moment.

I didn’t look in the mirror and see a bloated mess that’s drunk far too many reds and ate too much cheese.

But I have looked in the mirror and felt sexy in my swimmers every single day no matter what I’ve eaten or drank!

This for me is truly awesome and I had to share it, to give others hope.

I can’t tell you how nice it is to feel peace in my mind.

For so many years, the negativity has just been so loud and right now, I’m living and I’m obsessed with doing that.

I enjoyed sunsets, going for beach and bush walks, living in a camper, eating chocolate, swimming, drinking champagne – absolutely everything.

Seriously, if you haven’t been up north yet, it must make your bucket list. It is by far one of the most magical places on earth.

We went quad biking and swam with turtles at Coral Bay. We ate the most delicious crab tacos at Bills Tavern.

We fished and caught a beautiful parrot fish that we cooked on the BBQ and ate while watching the most perfect sunset.

We swam with whale sharks in Exmouth and never has anything felt so magical. The crystal clear waters and the locals made the place truly spectacular.

We discovered life in the most simple of circumstances.

I have done lots of work on myself and personal development to get where I am today, living in the moment and enjoying the simple things.

I’ve spent time doing courses on body image with Dr Kat, I’ve read loads of books, I am changing my perception of life through positive affirmations, meditation and I’ve been seeing the guys at the Brain & Wellness Spa.

Surrounding yourself with the right people is key to success. Find your tribe and you will shine.

I’m learning and doing my best to “let it go” and believe me, that’s a wonderful trait to have if you’ve got it.

I’ll leave you with this quote: “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.”

Leave a Reply